Your friend is crazy about her new man — but he drives you crazy in a bad way. What’s going on? Should you tell your friend how you feel? Generally, the answer is no. For one thing, she’s unlikely to walk away from a delirious infatuation because of any words you might say. More importantly, her life is her own and if he’s making her happy, that’s what matters. Your feelings about the situation are for you to unpack, not for her to deal with. There’s one exception, and we’ll get to that in a moment. 

 

Could You Be Jealous?

 

Freinds Boyfriend
Image via Flickr by arjunv

It’s easy to see jealousy in others but very hard to recognize in ourselves. If you find yourself disliking all your friends’ boyfriends, or feeling jaded about relationships in general, you might be embittered by a lack of love in your own life. It’s also possible that you’re jealous of the time he spends with your friend. Do you miss her? Does it seem like she’s not making time for you anymore? If so, talk to her about prioritizing your friendship. You’d also be wise to find some other women to spend time with during the intense infatuation phase of her new relationship.

Maybe You’re Just Different

If you are constantly wondering what she sees in him or even how she puts up with him, just stop. You don’t need to know. We are all unique in terms of what we want from a relationship and what we’re willing to tolerate in one. Let your friend be different than you, no matter how close you’ve been in the past. If this is the scenario you’re caught in, though, you need to figure out where to go from here. Figure out whether you can relax around them as a couple or if you need to just see her when he’s not around. 

What if He’s Horrible?

If everyone in your group dislikes the new guy, it’s possible he truly has a bad personality, a low EQ, or poor social skills. In that case, wait a few weeks to see if the romance dies on its own. If not, you’ll have to decide whether to grin and bear it or have a talk with your friend. If you decide to talk, start slowly and be prepared to drop it if she gets defensive. 

When Abuse Is an Issue

If you think your friend is being abused physically, verbally, or emotionally you definitely need to get involved. Helping someone in an abusive relationship is tricky and needs to be handled with a lot of tact and kindness. Abuse can develop gradually and be surrounded by loving behavior, so your friend may be feeling very confused. Bringing clarity to her situation will help her a lot.

Sadly, some friendships end when one friend dislikes the other’s new love, but you don’t have to let this situation tear you apart. Be patient, be loving, don’t be frustrated because of your lack of influence over her, and give your friend plenty of space. Keep in mind that it is her decision to make, no matter how you feel about it, and put the friendship first.